Photo by Ava Sol on Upsplash
As part of the fallout from our current lockdown, I’m feeling hug deprived. Not only do I not have my grandkids to hold, but I’m also missing the many pleasant greeting embraces I typically receive in the course of a week from my friends and family.
I’ve heard little talked about this great loss COVID has wrought – our restrictions on touching each other. In the new post-pandemic world will we have to refrain from handshakes? pats on the back? the kisses and hugs of greetings and congratulations and solace? These are disturbing thoughts.
Of course, the germaphobia a pandemic engenders in all of us merely exacerbates the complexity that already exists in our societal understanding of appropriate touching. Admittedly, it’s hard to create rules around something that covers such a wide range of human behavior. Think about the controversy surrounding fouls in sports for an easy example. Just comparing cultural body language habits in ordinary human interactions yields a huge variation in what gets considered acceptable. The recent MeToo movement has certainly raised our consciousness about how frequently the lines between friendly human warmth and sexual aggression get blurred. Will it simply be easier in a post-COVID world to minimize our physical contact with each other?
Yet, touching is actually one of our basic needs. Doing some casual internet research on the psychology of touch, the first thing I found was a lack of controversy about the benefits good, safe touching produces. Studies show that the more physical affection we receive as children and teens, the less we engage in physical violence (and, sadly vice versa). Scientists can demonstrate chemically, in people of all ages, that even 20 seconds of “cuddling” reduces stress, blood pressure, and heart rate. Think of the effect these months of physical isolation will surely have on those living alone.
Other generations have had to endure pandemics. We’ve been more fortunate than those in the past in that our advanced technology has enabled us to meet virtually, allowing many businesses and even schools to keep functioning. How wonderful it is to see faces – even on a screen – when so much of our activity remains homebound. Already people look to a future where more and more of us can work from home and travel less, while still accomplishing our tasks.
Right now, we all can’t wait to be “let out” and allowed to interact with each other as we’re used to doing. But, as we know, our return will be gradual, and our “normal” will be a nuance of what we have known. I’m guessing that one of the most important lessons our quarantine experience holds for us will be to cement in our memory the pain of living out of literal touch with each other. Perhaps one of the positive takeaways will be to remind our future selves that no matter how sophisticated and convenient our electronic communication gets it will always be a poor substitute for what the right touch can say without words.
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