Earlier this week I was reading a blog that referred to a saying: “Forgiveness is giving up all hope of having had a different past.” I’d never heard it before, but the minute I read it, I felt struck with insight.
I’ve said before that outsiders to faith sometimes see the Christian emphasis on forgiveness as “cheap grace” – a mere “get-out-of-jail-free” card that encourages people to break the “rules” with impunity, because God loves us and will absolve us of everything.
In actuality, forgiveness ends up being a “reality check” for us. Whether we seek or bestow pardon, we first have to acknowledge that wrong has been done. This means coming to terms with what actually happened without resorting to exonerating excuses. Even when we find understandable reasons behind our or others’ misdeeds, it doesn’t change the harm that’s been done. We can never heal our hurts by traveling the imaginary road of “if only.”
Our human penchant for fantasy serves us well in the invention of stories, but completely derails us in the process of repairing wrongs. No matter how much we might wish for a different past, God reminds us that what really matters is a changed future.
Even when we finally face our ugly duckling selves, God already sees the beautiful swan we can become.
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