Last week we began discussing the second crucial C that children and adults need to flourish in life – capability. While parents know that children must hit development milestones to graduate to adulthood, we generally find that kids’ progress varies. Some skills come easily while other lessons are harder to learn. But, achievement brings tremendous pride.
Clearly the parent’s role in this growing up process requires a great deal of encouragement and patience. Kids’ uneven maturation naturally creates frustration and plenty of opportunities for mom and dad to lose their cool. When we find our youngsters making us downright angry we know we are dealing with their mistaken ideas about how to become capable.
I spoke last time about the power of “I can” as a positive thing. Sometimes, however, we get tripped up by the power of power itself. The child who makes us angry is usually engaged in a power struggle. We want our son or daughter to do something; they don’t want to do it. Like the issue of attention-seeking* these standoffs seem to offer few positive solutions. If we insist on our children doing what we say from a position of authority (“because I said so”), we impress them with our clout and make them lust for the chance to be the boss themselves. On the other hand, if we give in to them, we treat them as if they already are in control and they learn to bask in their sway over others. The parenting course tip for these situations is to offer the youngsters age-appropriate choices. They can feel suitably capable by selecting what they think is best. At the same time, by offering fitting options the parents establish limits while maintaining respect for the children and themselves. This has the added bonus of keeping the first crucial C – connection – intact while the skirmish over capability is being worked out.
Our capability presents similar problems for God. The Lord has given us the keys to the planet and opened the door for us to reject the divine. We see this immediately in the garden of Eden. The serpent puts forward the following argument for getting the humans to eat the forbidden fruit: “You’ll be just like God, knowing everything, ranging all the way from good to evil” (Genesis 3:5). The idea that we can be “like God” translates easily into our becoming our own god – having godlike control over the course of our lives and futures. Even people who acknowledge God’s existence can still find the idea of caring for themselves without God’s help—or should I say, interference—very enticing, even intoxicating.
God gives us free will so that we can have the possibility of being in a loving relationship with the Almighty. Here again, we find the Lord operating with the same insight the parenting course offers: God allows us the dignity of making our own decisions. The Lord is bent on maintaining respect by not compelling our love and service. But when we agree to make God our God, we are supposed to relinquish our claim on powers we are capable of wielding.
That, of course, is where the trouble lies. Power is a hard thing to put aside. We even have a saying for it from nineteenth century British politician Lord Acton: “Power corrupts; absolute power corrupts absolutely.” It’s certainly true for humans; it’s interesting how it isn’t true for the One who does have absolute power.
There once was a time when people feared God in such a way that we have the warning: “Don’t do that or God will strike you with lightning.” But in our ordinary experience, we find those who reject the divine do not receive punishment – only consequences. God’s call to obedience is not for the Lord’s sake but so that we might live well, avoiding the pain embedded in living outside of God’s plan for human harmony.
On the other hand, when we manage – with faith augmenting our self-discipline – to place our competencies under God’s loving guidance, we find ourselves capable in the best possible way. Now all our abilities can be combined with the Lord’s direction and support. In this way, we can find ourselves exceeding the level of our own talent because God’s capability has joined it.
With power in its proper place, we are back to enjoying the work God gives us to do.
*See “The Longing to Belong” posted Feb 26.
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