Christian Middle

As we continue to explore aspects of good parenting technique in the context of how God parents us, let’s look at the skill of listening.

Kids often levy the complaint against their parents that they’re not listening. While sometimes they’re correct, often parents hear what their children say but fail to respond in a way that demonstrates that they understand what they mean.

When adults get upset, we often say rash things we want to do but we know we will never act on them. Yet, when our child says, “I hate my teacher; I never want to go back to school,” we tend to react to what he/she is saying – “Well, you have to keep going to school.” We can better respond to the same statement by demonstrating we understand the feelings that generate the frustration. “It seems like you’re very angry with your teacher,” or, “I’m betting you think your teacher is really unfair,” will open up the discussion for your child to relate the specifics of what is so troubling.

In the parenting course we call this “reflective listening” – listening that targets the emotions underlying the spoken words. A parent’s awareness of and compassion for the child’s emotional state opens the door to meaningful communication between parent and child. Because the child feels understood and loved, he/she can trust the parent to help with the problem.

The Bible overflows with examples of God doing exactly this kind of listening. The Lord hears Abraham’s frustration over not having an heir, indulges Moses’ many complaints about leading the children of Israel, and grants Gideon signs to bolster his resolve.

In the aftermath of Easter, however, there is perhaps no better example than the story of the two on the road to Emmaus from Luke 24:13-32. Luke describes this pair deeply engrossed in a troubling conversation when an unknown man – to them, merely a fellow traveler, but Luke has told us that it is Jesus – comes upon them and asks: “What’s this you’re discussing so intently as you walk along?” (Luke 24:17).

The one named Cleopas responds (a little rudely, perhaps?), “Are you the only one in Jerusalem who hasn’t heard what’s happened during the last few days?” Without offense, Jesus inquires what they mean. In this way, the Lord elicits from them not only the full story of the week’s events but their emotional perspective as well.

Having ascertained with this sensitivity where the two were emotionally, Jesus is able to go on to explain the why’s of the passion and crucifixion with a thoroughness we can only wish we could access. Yet, Jesus continues with subtlety. With the evening approaching, the travelers beg the stranger to sup with them. It is only when they witness him breaking the bread at their meal that they recognize him as the Lord. Then he vanishes. The two are left to ponder both what He said (a cognitive process) and that He had actually appeared to them (an emotional affirmation). No wonder they remark in reflection: “Didn’t we feel on fire as he conversed with us on the road, as he opened up the Scriptures for us?” (Luke 24:32).

God is the One who listens to us – perceiving in us not just to what we say, but what we feel and what we need. How fortunate we are to have such a loving and understanding Parent who knows us so intimately.

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